i know we'll never end, like there was no beginning.

Thu, 12 Mar 2026 07:16:47 GMT

mostly posting this as a reminder to myself bc 8ts 3am and i'm on my phone but i'm kind of entering my omegaverse era... i have things planned you guys.

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DAILY AFFIRMATION: #Yup

Thu, 15 Jan 2026 18:25:57 GMT

"in addition, i... meh. i'm currently playing a BL game (患者Ｓの救済/The Patient S Remedy) bc one of the LIs reminded me a lot of 6!karel LMFAO. i haven't finished it yet so i can't give any detailed thoughts rn"[...]

Okay. So. I finished this game. That was actually kind of good???? (i say like i didn't spend like, an hour last night crying at my desk bc of it) Never trust a BLVN by its insane plot, i suppose. i'll try to give a more in-depth review in the coming days because i'm still kind of letting it sit, but Goddamn.

Yeah. This one was good.

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another year. another... whatever

Tue, 13 Jan 2026 20:53:13 GMT

ugh. have not been on here in a while, sorry about that... just haven't had much to say lately, i guess. here's a little status update as to what i've been doing over the past few months:

i have a new computer!!! fucking finally!!!! the most notable thing about it is the 27" monitor i have now, and it makes me feel so fancy its crazy. the mechanical keyboard also feels really good to use, although it has a few quirks like not having brightness keys on the FN lineup. for some reason.

in addition, i... meh. i'm currently playing a BL game (患者Ｓの救済/The Patient S Remedy) bc one of the LIs reminded me a lot of 6!karel LMFAO. i haven't finished it yet so i can't give any detailed thoughts rn, but i do have one definitive statement i can make:

<- if not for the fact i'm kind of embarrassed about liking this game as much as i do this man's hole would be seeing hell on this account. Let me say that right now. anyway, more details will come when i'm further in.

i have lots of writing projects for in the future, so stay tuned. kinktober blew me out so badly last year i could barely even look at my drafts anywhere for a month LOL... terrible. i'll take that as a reminder to do a lot of the writing in advance if i do it this year, i guess.

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FIC :: blown to the winds like hearth-ashes

Tue, 16 Dec 2025 08:47:20 GMT

Title: blown to the winds like hearth-ashes
Series: Elibe / Binding Blade
Relationship: Sin/Dayan, Sin&Sue and Roy&Sue
Rating: Mature
Word Count: 6.1k
Content Warnings: Major Character Death, softcore necrophilia?
Summary: The Silver Wolf is dead, and Sue needs to figure out where to go from here. Sin doesn't quite get that far.
Notes: crossposting this here since i desperately need stuff to post here again, oops. anyway, this is my 2025 (hopeful?) magnum opus, so. hope it's good! lol

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reflections, i guess

Mon, 22 Sep 2025 01:53:19 GMT

i'm not hiding this behind my access list this time. it's pure unfiltered word vomit, baby.

( CW: discussions of necrophilia )

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grumble

Mon, 08 Sep 2025 10:16:31 GMT

sorry that i keep not posting on here for days at a time and then coming back completely off my ass over a new fire emblem yaoi ship. It happens. Okay.

anyway, wilrath is just so funny to me bc its like. What if you were a guy who lowkey did some abandoning yourself in your youthful ignorance and then got abandoned yourself less than a year(? iirc) later and probably got some issues from that whole experience but you're able to be chill about it, mostly. and then you got into a Situation with a dude who has like Literally the craziest abandonment issues on earth. like, got abandoned by his dad at Three Years Old levels of abandonment issues. What then.

(you are also the only person who can make him laugh, which the author of this blog post definitely is not a horrible pervert over...)

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category 9 vibe shift happening in my brain

Tue, 02 Sep 2025 10:20:36 GMT

( spoilered mostly just bc im shy LOL )

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wisdom; contained in the telepathy of fear

Sat, 23 Aug 2025 05:51:05 GMT

new sticky since my old one was pissing me off. hi. my name is ivo. i am an adult, and this blog is an 18+ only zone. i use he/it pronouns; alternate between these or else. i'm agender if i need to put precise terms to it, but i just call myself a trans man most days; i don't really care about how i'm referred, in that regard — ideally, others would perceive me as a masculine-presenting reanimated corpse.

a few things about myself: i'm a lifelong writer, though most of it is focused on fandom stuff. most of my posting on here will be about the fire emblem series, something i've carried close to my heart for much of my life. i'd like to meet more fire emblem fans here, particularly for the games released prior to awakening, (which i... don't particularly care for) and especially for the elibe duology (binding blade/fe6 and blazing blade/fe7)

( section for people who give a shit about FE and fandom )

other than that, i musicpost intermittently; i like swans (band) a lot and have lots and lots of things to say about Michael Gira's body of work in general. other bands/influences include nine inch nails, skinny puppy, machines of loving grace, et cetera. 80s-90s experimental rock/industrial.

most of my posts are public, but things that will be access-locked will include posts about my personal life, (extremely rare) and posts about heavier subject matter that i don't feel the need to talk about publicly, in fiction or otherwise; again, non-exhaustive. if you want on my access list, just drop me a comment here; though don't take it personally if i don't add you — i'm a bit cagey by nature, i suppose.

i'm also active (for a certain definition of active, lol) on ao3. generally, if you see anyone with the name berserkstaff active on any given social media platform, that's probably me. never hurts to ask, though.

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reading books again

Thu, 21 Aug 2025 03:12:49 GMT

"When my wife and I joined our bodies together, I fell into her body and wore her skin like a rubber sheath. She protected me from the outside. Because she’s dead now, I’m certain to be eaten soon. I’m a skinless body, my muscles drying in the sun. I feel myself shrinking.

I used her as a process, a system through which we could blend with matter beyond our selfish thoughts. When her hand stroked my leg, when her mouth wet my skin, the arousal I experienced was the first wave of a current which would ultimately erase us both. I love her more than I need my own identity."

- Michael Gira, Why I Ate My Wife (as part of The Consumer)

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OH MY GOD BRUH

Mon, 18 Aug 2025 10:18:33 GMT

Okayyyy, back to the grind i think... my life kind of sucks right now i'm not going to lie but things are slowly looking up, so, here i am again... for whoever was concerned, we no longer have a hole in our kitchen ceiling! or at least it's been covered up now. we also had to get rid of a fan because water leaked inside of it and it became something of a breeding ground for flies. at least the washer is also fixed now LOL... new yaoi incoming btw I got inspired. it's not rutger/karel but they're still precious to me.

also my birthday was a couple weeks ago (1st) and i forgot to say anything on here about it. whoops.

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getting the thoughts out so they don't make me sick

Sat, 19 Jul 2025 08:59:36 GMT

sad to say nobody got 100% got it when i said the words "I want to do interactive buddy shit to that old man [6!karel]" earlier and only meant it half-jokingly; which i guess is fair because i also am not entirely sure what this statement Means other than i think its funny and hot when he suffers for basically my own amusement, but i've been rotating it in my head for a bit and it does something to me. he's very torturable and i find it very endearing! <3

as a tangential thing i don't say this to be an annoying asshole or anything bc. well idrc about ficional character sex to that extent I <3 diversity of opinion but . This applies to both karels really but 6!karel especially is such a "What do you think he's going to do to you? top you? I have to laugh" sort of character in my brain. not like anyone cares about fe6 enough to really bother but sometimes i wonder if there's anyone who'd look at him and not get the (incredibly guilty) masosub vibes coming off of him. mm. i think this might have implications for 7!karel too but we'll get there)

~~this is also going to be very dangerous for me if i ever get over myself enough to just start yumeing out over him i think, LMFAO~~

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personal life

Tue, 01 Jul 2025 22:31:08 GMT

I'M FREE FROM THE FUCKING DMV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sucked but i won.

got some chicken karaage to celebrate. that shit was good. also got some milk tea but i didn't take a picture of it. praying the rest of july is this peaceful for me.

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"NOW NEITHER OF US WILL BE VIRGINS!"

Sun, 22 Jun 2025 21:23:51 GMT

( horny philosophizing, i think )

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something something masochism tango

Fri, 13 Jun 2025 19:07:12 GMT

...let my brain stew for a few days. i have rutger/karel thoughts again... as always.

( nsfw rant LMFAO )

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3h thoughts

Sat, 07 Jun 2025 06:42:47 GMT

oh yeah, i got a secondhand copy of fe3h for like 30 bucks the other day, so that's what i've been occupying my time with lately. i, historically, have not been a huge fan of 3h and the... like, everything surrounding it, but returning to it with a fresh pov has been nice. starting off with a blue lions run since that and silver snow are the only routes i haven't done at this point... which is funny, considering from what i've experienced of him felix is such an ivobait character it isn't even funny.

i'll come up with more concrete thoughts as i go along, but so far i like what i have going!

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guh

Fri, 06 Jun 2025 02:58:47 GMT

sorry no yaoiposts today bc i fucked up bad. woke up early bc ive been trying to psych myself up to go to the BMV for a while now, but i decided i felt too bad to do it today and that i'd go tomorrow. took a nap. woke up and it was night. Get me out of hereeee

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maybe a bit of salt, i dunno

Thu, 05 Jun 2025 01:37:14 GMT

being a fan of a niche fire emblem character is fucking awesome, man.

( unpleasant. )

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misc.

Wed, 04 Jun 2025 00:48:42 GMT

also, as a side note, i find myself incredibly amused how my journal title and subtitle from completely different forms of media are flowing so well into each other... truly just throwing things you like together will get results, and they'll be good. Most times.

(fwiw, the title is a bit from rutger's lvl 40 dialogue in FEH, and the subtitle is a lyric from capable of love by pinkpantheress. i could go into a mild rant about just, everything rutger and karel say to each other being truly ridiculously romantic from a certain angle ~~and i count the lvl 40 dialogue because its really obvious that's what it's calling to, imo~~, but i'll try and save that for its own post LOL)

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...? idk

Tue, 03 Jun 2025 05:20:12 GMT

so tired all the time but my obsession with GBAFE yaoi consumes, unfortunately.

i think... man. i dunno. perhaps a vast majority of the rutger/karel 🔁 karel/rutger shippers hosted their shit on domains that went down before people i know irl were born, which is just kind of... incredibly tragic, to me. not just because i'm kind of alone in this damn house, but bc i just very easily get melancholic about history of any kind being lost - maybe fire emblem yaoi isn't important to a lot of people, but its important to me. i get sappy when i get tired.

anyway, i wanna at least try and get a first draft of that ship manifesto out by the end of the month. maybe write some more actual fic? we'll see, i think..

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still alive.

Mon, 02 Jun 2025 02:20:44 GMT

hi. i still intend on using this site, i've just been in the trenches as of late.

it's pride month, and i... have feelings about it. i'm transgender, and as every other trans person on planet earth knows the world has gotten very scary for people like me. but i'll be okay, i think: i'm not in active danger or anything, even if i live in a, um, not very good state for these sorts of things. i dunno, i hope everyone is feeling okay.

i still wanna write and do things, but i have the realization that i'm gonna be in college by the end of this summer, and it's kinda scary! i'm kinda used to having too much free time, so maybe actually having structure in my life again will help me out at all... we'll have to see.

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FIC; the way i feel on stainless steel and all it does to me

Wed, 30 Apr 2025 04:05:44 GMT

Title: the way i feel on stainless steel and all it does to me
Fandom: Fire Emblem: The Binding Blade
Relationship: Rutger/Karel
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 2.4k
Content Info: kink junk; knifeplay applied to sensitive areas & fearplay, specifically. consensual, but definitely not safe or sane on either end.
Summary: Karel makes a strange, mildly concerning observation about one of Rutger's belongings. What Rutger decides he wants to do with it, all the stranger — But Karel doesn't mind it the way he really ought to.
Notes: written for the Rare Kink Buffet 2025 collection on AO3; a mirror of this fic is available on that site here. two other things: 1) i really struggled with finding the ideal position to hold a knife to someone's dick in while also still having it be sexy, admittedly! turns out nobody really prepares you for that. and also, 2) i changed the title to this fucking thing like, what, five times...? normally i'm not that picky with titles, but this one demanded a particular Vibe from me. it's so hard being an auteur.

( Read more... )

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wip-adjacent thoughts

Mon, 28 Apr 2025 03:09:20 GMT

in a mood about weaponplay suddenly, writing this rutger/karel fic... a public notice to everyone that if i ever reference a few choice scenes from thesis 1996 in any future knifeplay scenes i end up writing... the madness has taken me utterly and i probably need to be put down. lol

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